Wrong Bwl: the darkest of times
by doodle.girl
Summary: Harry had a twin brother who was said to be the bwl, but is he really, Now harry suffers from abuse, loneliness, and starvation from his parents, he has only one friend and is a child prodigy, can he handle it. contains depression and suicide attempts R
1. Chapter 1

On July 31st twins were born. Harry and Sean Potter. On Halloween the next year, a dark cloaked man came to attck them. The twins father tried to hold them off but failed. The man went for the kids. He put the mother to sleep and sent the killing curse at the babies. Most of the killing went towards Harry and bounced of him leaving a lightning bold scar on his forhead. A little went towards Sean and it left a scar on his hand. Sean was worshipped as the Boy-who-lived when it should have been Harry. But only two people knew this.

Chapter 1 6 years later, 7 years old.

Hpov

I walked into the kitchen from my basement. I didn't have a bedroom. I lived in a cold, wet basement. But i made the best of it. I was carrying a little red book that held my drawings. Ever since i was four i kept little green and red journals, the green ones were for my writing, the red for drawing. I was awful at drawing, but it keeps me happy and sane.

"HARRY!" my mother Lily yelled.

"Yes Mother".

"Get out, I have to cook a good nutricious meal for your brother! You two have school today, he needs his strength!"

"Mother, may I have a bagel?"

"Ofcourse not, I would not waste food on you! OUT!"

I scrambled out of the kitchen only to run into my father James.

"BOY!"

"Yes father?"

"GET OUT OF THE WAY! YOU GOD DAMN WASTE OF SPACE!"

I didn't know what i id to deserve this, but I left for my basement and began to read a college textbook. Today I was being tested on my intelligence cause the muggle school system thinks I need to be in grades above.

My friend Leikoyoko was urging me to do my best. Leikoyoko's last name was Mothra. I called her Leilei. She has been my best friend since I was little. She had purple asian eyes cause she was japenies and she has pefect bright yellow hair. She has an older brother named Takakura, he had the same eyes as Leilei, he has black hair though, and he's 12. She has a little sister named tamamya that has the same hair and eyes as Leilei and she is a year old. Leilei has always had a mind fo her own, she talks back , she wears weird cothes, and she is friends with me.

This morning I got dressed in some old clothes of Sean and walked to school. When i got to school Leilei was waiting for me.

"Hi Harry".

"Hey".

"My mom made you some toast with jam for good luck on your intellignece test and my dad sais goodluck".

"Thanks".

Leilei's parents have always treated me like their own. I feel like I have a family with them. I fele like a Mothra, not a Potter.

"Harry I want you to do your best, don't hold back".

"WHy would I hold back?"

"Harry you dumb yourself down to make yourself seem like a worthless nothing, your not, no matter what you parents say, your going to break free and do amazing things".

"Thanks leilei, I don't know what i did to deserve you".

"Your deserve everything you think you deserve Harry, you the best person ever, but as my father once told me, your only as good as you say you are, I want you to say your the best and I want you to prove yourself to be amazing, good luck".

"Your very inspirational".

"Thank you" Withg that she skipped off to class.

I walked to the office and they brought me to a secluded room where they had me fill out a huge packet of question, it had 986 questions in it and I needed to fill it out today. At the end of the day I was finished and they would look at them over the next week.

I was impatient for my results. Over the next week Leilei would talk about how I would be skipped to highschool.

"Your gonna be in like college by the age of 11 Harry!"

"No I won't be".

"DOn't doubt me, I'm spychic".

'Nice".

When my reults came instead of coming to tell me in school they came to my house which pissed off my parents.

"Hello Mr. and Mrs. Potter, I am Mr. Prindle, I must talk to you about Harry's test scores".

"Scores?" my mom questions.

"Yes, his intelligence test".

"What intel;igence test?" my father asks.

"Harry took an intelligence test last week and his scores were off the chart, were moving him up to a freshman in highschool, and if he can go beyond that we want to send him to college".

"No, you must mean Sean!"

"Actually seans test score were so low, we want to hold him back".

"You have to have us mixed up, I'm not that smart".

"On the contrary, you have the I.Q of a genius".

"Harry! Genius! Thats funny" Sean said.

"Look wether you want to or not, Harry needs to do this".

"Fine do it".

They talked about his schedule and classes and Mr, Prindle left finally.

"Harry go to your room I can't look at you, Sean i made you a pie go eat it".

Ofcourse my parents would jsut go ahead and ignore me for my more important brother.

Lpov

I didn't like treating Harry like this, but Dumbledore said that Sean being the boy who lived needed more attention.

"James we missed his whole life, were practically starving him and he's so secluded, I did not know he was above average".

"I hate treating him like this but Dumbledore said it was the best".

I was sort of proud of him but he couldn't know that.

Hpov

Over the next few years, lif got daker and darker, I became more and more depressed, I wanted to die. My family if you can call them that hated me. My father began to hit me, Sean beat me, I only got food at Leilei's house. I became closer and closer to her. I started college at the age of 9 and it was a breeze. I bagan to take music classes, I took singing, dancing, bass, guitar, drums, violin, piano, etc.

When I was eight Albus Dumbledore came to visit me.

"Harry" he said.

"Yes".

"Sean sin't the boy who lived you are, your the child the prophecy mentioned, I told your parents it was Sean cause when the time comes Voldemort needs to be destoyed, you need to be independant and strong, stand your ground. I don't want you to go to Hogwarts, I need you to take pirvate lessons when you turn 11. Your parents can't know".

"Thank you for telling me".

"And Harry, be strong".

Right now I am at Leilei's drawing a meadow on her walls.

"Harry its gorgeous" she exclaimed.

"Its not done".

It was July something right now, I'm turning 11 soon.

"Harry do you know the date".

"No"

"Happy birthday".

"Oh its that day".

"You don't remember your own brithday".

"Noone cares".

"I care".

"Noone else does".

"You get your check tomorrow don't you?"

"Ya".

"Were going shopping'.

Since I was like a child prodidgy, I got paid a lot of money for necessities.

"When do you get out of college?"

"Well I'm getting a degree in Engineering which can take from 4-6 years but it'll probably take me about 5 so when i'm 14 I'm done, then I'm just gonna chill till I'm 18 and can get a job and work up to a CEO position".

"3 more years".

"7 more till I'm free".

I went home that night and walked into my brothers birthday party. Today I hit a low, I want to end my life tonight. I know I may be young, but I don't have anything going for me. I may as well end it for my parents sake.

I silently walked to my basement, which i painted the walls to pictures of me killing myself, and pulled a long sharp dagger.


	2. Chapter 2

Hpov

I can't do it, the past keeps looking darker and darker, but the future looks brighter and brighter, maybe one day I'll be happy. The next day Sean began to scream.

"I got my Hogwarts letter!"

"Were so proud of you Sean! For celebration, were going out to eat tonight" my mother said.

"Where your boy?" my father asked.

"I didn't get one".

"Ya cause your a worthless squib!"Sean said.

"Your a disgrace boy!".

"So I've been told".

As soon as I said that i felt something hard and painful conect with my face.

"Don't get smart with me boy!"

Sean and my father began to kick me repeatedly. Soon I was coughing blood, I heard cracks and I hurt.

They finally left leaving me to clean myself up, I pulled out my phone and called Leili.

"Hello".

"Leilei I need help".

"We'll be over there as soon as we can".

I passed out waking up in my bedroom with Leilei on my bed, she must have come through the secret passage, caus emy parents don't know about her.

"Hey how are you feeling?"

"Like shit".

"Well you ha some broken ribs and bruising, btu your fine".

"God my life is pointless".

"Don't say that".

"Well you know it is, I have nothing, sure I have brains, but what will that do me if I don't have anyone, money isn't everything".

"You have me".

"But what about my family! I don't have one!"

"My parents love you, my brother thinks your the best, my sister is fascinated with you".

"But what about my family".

"Harry family are the people you love and enjoy being around, my family basically adopted you".

"You right, why the hell don't I just move in with you".

"My parents were just saying that they would love to have you with us".

"We should ask my parents, I'm sure they won't care, they hate me".

She nodded and we walked up stairs, or I limped cause it hurt like hell.

"Mothher, Father".

"WHAT, YOU BROTHER IS EATING!" My mother yelled

"Look I know you like hate and Leilei's parents..."

"WHO IS LEILEI, WHO IS THAT GIRL NEXT TO YOU!"

"I know you, your Leikoyoko Mothra, your like the hottest girl in the school, what are doing with him?"

"I'm his friend, we want to know if Harry can move in with me?"

"What! No!" my mother exclaimed.

"Why!" I asked.

"I'm your mom, I don't want you to move out".

"1, your my mother not my mom, 2, you have told me you want nothing more than for me to move out, you hate me and this way were both happy, I have a family with her, and you don't have me wasting space!"

"No, your not leaving" My father said.

"You just want me to be miserable, what the hell have I done to make you want me to be unhappy!"

"Boy!"

"You don't even know my name do you!"

"Of course we know you name Harry, we are your family, I am your mom, he is your dad, stop with this mother father shit!"

"No I hate you and you hate me we are not a family, you are my mother and father not my mom and dad cause you gave birth tonight but I don't see you in that way".

"Harry go to your room right now!" my mother said in tears.

"What room! You trapped me into a basement my whole life!"

"We have given you everythingbyou ungrateful shit!"

"No you haven't the Mothra's have!"

WIth that I stormed to my cave. Leilei did not follow me. I took out my dagger again and looked at it. I can't wait till the end.

Over the next 4 years had private lessons in waizard traing by Dumbledore, I finished college, I joined an emo band, and I auditioned for a movie. I also started to run 3 miles everymorning. Me and my families relationship continued to suffer. They hated me now more than ever. I never moved in with Leilei but I would sneak out with her at night. I started to see a therapist secretly. My drawings and diary entries got darker and darker. Sean hated me and so did his friends. I finally made a guy friend. His name is Kasey Cooket.

I began to cut myself to, I always wore long sleeved shirts to cover it up. When my brother was away for the year, and since I no longer went to school, When i wasn't doing anything else I would smoke pot, it calmed me down. My parents refused to acknowledge my existence, not that I ever saw them anyways.

Today I decided to go upstairs, something I rarely did.

"It lives" my mother said.

"Why wouldn't I be".

"I haven't seen you for so long".

"I'm sorry I intruded".

"You should be you waste of space".

"Me and your mom are going out now, don't touch anything, we'll be back in 30 minutes!" my father yelled.

With that they left leaving me alone again. I went to the kitchen looking for a knife. I finally found one and looked at it longingly. I have had enough of this shit. I stared at the knife for exactly 25 minutes, I want them to watch me die. I dug the knife into my wrist and sliced it. I did the same for the other. It hurt liken hell but within 20 inutes i would be dead, not that they cared.

I was begining to get a little bit dizy, the blood was oozing out. I heard the front door open. They were talking quietly but ran to the kitchen when I fell onto th floor from blood loss. It was painful but my vision was fading.

"HARRY! WAKE UP, WERE GONNA GET HELP!" I could here mother say.

"No".

"Harry son we have to" father said worried.

"God just let me die, I have nothing, just let me die already".

"Harry baby we love you, please god hold on, we love you so much".

"No you don't you just feel sorry for me".

"Harry were sorry please hold on, your gonna be fine".

"_No" _I whispered, and with that everything went black.

Lpov

My son, my baby was dying.

"HARRY!"

He went limp an blood was oozing out of his wrist. James took his shirt off and we saw so many other scars from knives. I drove my baby to this. God I hate myself.

"James hurry we have to get him to a hospital".

James picked him up and carried him to the car, we drove as fast as we could to the hospital. I was stroking his hair and crying. Harry's breathing bagan to get shallow and come out in short gasps, he was also getting colder. Finally we arrived at the wizard hospital and we were getting weird looks cause we had a car. Harry was emmitted immediatley and me and James were a pacing.

"Lily he'll be fine".

"How could we do this to him".

"God I should have never hit him!"

"In called him a waste of space".

"I swear to god he will get nothing but fatherly love from me!"

"And He'll get nothing but motherly love from me".

Finally the doctor came out.

"Mr. and Mrs. Potter".

"Yes" I said.

"Your son is going to live but is in critical shape. We need to keep him here for a couple of weeks".

"Tyats fine, get my baby back to normal".

"Also, your son has many mental issues, he needs to take anti-depressants, and it would help if he talked to people".

"Of course".

"He's asleep nd probably will not wake up for a few days, but we'll call when he does".

Me and James went home and sat at our table.

"God i don't know the first thing about my son, does he like quidditch? Whats his favorite food? Whats his favorite color? Does he like his basement?"

"Oh god the basemt James, we need to get him a bedroom!"

"We'll use Seans second one".

"But what about Sean?"

"Sean has had to good for to long, he needs to learn he's not king!"

"Your right lets sort through Harry's stuff".

We went down to his bedroom and to say I was shocked would be an understatment. His walls had drawings of him dead. His room was full of books and journals. He had pot in his room for god sake!

"We really messed up James".

"Well we need to show him now that we love him".

"Ya".

I picked up all of his green journals, I fillped one open and read the latest entry.

_Journal,_

_I have had enough of life lately, I want it to come to an end already. Those people that are supposed to be my family won't fucking care. But why do I feel hesitant about it. Nothin bad will happen if I die. Oh yeah, that one thing, but I don't care, everyone can die. it doesn't matter to me. None of them know I exist. _

I couldn't read anymore, I put them all into a box and looked through the red ones. One was dated for this year, I looked throught the pictures one was of Harry reading peacefully in a meadow, another of harry hanging from the cealing with a rope clutched around his neck.

I found one dated to when he was 4, his drawing skills were amzing even when he was little. I liked this journal, his pictures were so happy, so harmless. But then I found a drawing of me yelling at him, one of me and James cooing over Sean, then one of Harry's tear stained 4 year old face.

I began to sob over this. James had packed up his reading books and his hard bed made out of only a blanket and an old pillow. I then noticed all of the instruments he had. A vilion, quitar, bass, drums, trumpet, clarinet, key board, obo, saxophone, and a flute.

"I didn't know he was into art".

We packed up all of his stuff and then went to Seans second bedroom and put all the stuff in his first one, then unpacked Harry's stuff into the bedroom. I magically made his walls look like one of his beautiful happy painting of a seascape at sunset, then i conjoured up some hardwood mahogany shelfs and bedisde tabled to put his stuff on. The room was rather big and he didn't have much stuff so it was good and spacious for him. I put all of his books onto the shelfs and his journals to but the ones he was currently working on. I put those onto a bedside table. I conjoured up a mohagony bed and put midnight blue sheets on them, with a red comfortor. James came up with 6 bags of things. I put a lamp on his table and placed it by his bed. I looked through the bags and all they were was clothes and shoes. I conjoured up a dresser and unpacked them into the dresser. They were all so dark though, it was depressing. I got to the last bag and in the bottom of it was a wand.

"James he's a squib, why does he have a wand?"

"We should call DUmbeldore".

"Tomorrow, I need to rest".

"Ya".

Me and James walked into our bedroom and fell asleep crying for our son.


	3. Chapter 3

Lpov

The next morning we flooed to Dumbledores office.

"Hello james, Lily".

"Dumbledore, harry had a wand but he's a squib'.

"Oh I feared this day would come".

"What do you mean".

"Harry is not a squib, I have been giving him free lessons'.

"When".

"2 p.m. in a clearing".

"Harry cannot have his lesson today".

"And why is that?"

"He's in the hopsital, h slit his wrists last night".

"Oh dear is he alright".

"He's in critical condition right now".

"Well now you will start to treat him better i asume".

"Yes of course".

"Good, when will he be out".

"A few weeks".

"Ah well when he comes home I want to visit him".

"Is there anything else we need to know".

"When the time comes perhaps".

"When will that be?"

"James, christmas is in three weeks, will Sean be coming home" Dumbledore asked.

James got the hint and nodded. After that we went home and just sat around.

"What are we getting for Harry and Sean?" I asked.

"I say we spend more on Harry this year".

"I agree, but what does he like?"

James shrugged and I decided to go to his friend Leilei's.

I knocked on her door and she answered.

"Mrs. Potter".

"Leilei what does Harry like, you know present wise?"

"He likes art supplies, he could use a new guitar, he likes books, espcially tradgeties, or engish literature, he likes music, he could use a laptop to".

"Thanks Leilei".

I then ran off to the mugle store, I work at a muggle company so I have a lot of muggle money that never gets used cause James make a lot. I bought Harry an art supply kit, a MAC, an Ipod, and 3 100 dollar Itunes gift cards. All in all it was a cost of $2228. It was worth it.

When I got home from shopping I told James what I got.

"Well what do we get Sean?" I asked.

"I took care of that, I got him a Nimbus 2000, a bunch of pranks, just some things I know he likes".

"What would it cost in muggle money?"

"About a $1000".

"Good".

"Yes".

The next day we got called to the hospital cause Harry had awoken.

"I'm nervouse James, what if he doesn't want us to be with him".

"We have to take it slowly".

We walked into his room slowly, he was looking out of the window. I lightly knocked on the door frame and he turned to look at us.

"Hey" I said softly.

"What are you doing here?"

"We want to make sure your alright".

"Why?"

"Your our son, we love you".

"Since when?"

"Harry we have always loved you, Dumbledore always told us that Sean needed attention, we took it to far and we drove you to suicide, Harry we feel awful we want to start over".

"I don't know if I can do that".

"Harry, son, we'll wait as long as it takes for you to be ready for a relationship with us" James said.

"All I ask is you try to forgive us".

"What brought this on?"

"We made a lot of mistakes with you, we always knew that, but the fact that you tried to kill yourself is to much, I want to be your mom, I want you to call me mom, I want to be there everynight to see you go to bed, I want to see you eat breakfast, I want here what you did that day, I want to hug you and kiss you, I'm so sorry Harry".

"I want to be you dad Harry, not father, I want to play chess with you and mess around, and just hang out with you".

"What about Sean?"

"Sean has been to spoiled and were not going to do that anymore, I want to treat you both equally. I want you to be happy to".

"But Sean is the precious boy who lived".

"It doesn't give him the right to be a spoiled brat, Harry will you give us a try?"

"I suppose".

I smiled and hugged him gently. He kinda flinched but I didn't prod.

The doctor walked in not much longer after that.

"Doctor can we take him home?" I asked.

"I woudn't advise it".

"But if we followed some guidlines, can we?"

"Well you would have to clean his wounds every hour every day for 4 weeks, then rub a cream on his arms every 2 hours, follow a very precise diet, make sure he sleeps when your not tending to him, and have a deep conversation everyday. Also he needs to take an antidepressant everyday".

"I can do this, I can take time off of work".

"Every other day we can switch who takes care of him".

"Then yes I suppose you can take him home, though he needs to eat two eggs, 1 link of sausage, and fruit for breakfast witha glass of milk. For lunch, a sandwhich, a vegetable, use whole weat bread, and give him a glass of milk. For dinner, some meat, fruit and vegetables, some grain, and milk, also leave him some water to drink".

James helped lift Harry into a wheel chair and we took him to the car. When we got home Harry tried to go to the basement but James wheeled him upstairs.

"Where are you taking me".

"We moved you up to Sean's extra bedroom".

"Wait you did that for me?"

"Of course honey, I also looked through your drawing journals, I hope you don't mind, and put one of my favorites of you wall".

"No I don't mind".

"I also want to get you a desk cause right now your room is very empty, I don't know what you like so".

"Well I like art, I got my degree in engineering, I want to be a CEO one day, I like to sing, I run 3 miles every morning, I'm ok with sports, I don't know I can't think of anything else".

"Well its been a long day, go to sleep, I'll come back in an hour and clean your wounds".

I helped him into bed and tucked him in.

"Wait what about your sleep?" Harry asked me.

"A mother sacrifices for her child, good night".

"Night".

I went down stairs and and sat next to James on the couch by the fire.

"I think he's gonna have a hard time trusting me Lily".

"Why?"

"God how many I have beat that boy, I regret it all but one time he had broken bones, I just left him there to".

"In time he'll forgive you".

"But I can't forgive myself".

"I think right now we need to worry about how we are gonna deal with Sean's reaction".

"I know, he will no doubt throw a fit just by us giving Harry bedroom".

"I'm excited to get to know Harry".

"I know, It'll fun taking care of him, being close to him".

"Wait what if Harry had untreated illnesses and they didn't check for it at the hospital".

"We should set up a doctors appointment for him just to check his general health when he's better".

(By the way I'm making all this shit up about the medical stuff, so if its wrong, i made it up its a bunch of bs)

When it was time me and James went upstairs to clean Harry's wounds. I opened his door and aw he was asleep peacefully.

"He's so cute".

"I'm not cute".

I jumped at his voice.

"I thought you were asleep".

"Thought wrong".

"Oh well I need to clean the cut".

"I can do it".

"I want to do it".

"Look I rarely sleep anyway so you don't have to get up, I can just set an alarm or something".

"Harry, you don't need to do everything, relax, we are here to help you".

"I'm just not u=you know used to being taken care of".

"I'm sorry Harry I really am, I'm sorry I took it this far, your a good kid, your not a waste of space".

"Funny how quickly things change".

"So what did you do when you were hiding".

"I would wake up at 6, run for an hour, have my daily therapy session which ends at 8, chill and smoke, or draw and write, or read till 1;30, have my lesson with Dumbledore from 2 to 6, have band practice from 6:30 to 8, go out with Leilei and Kasey till about 2 am, sleep, and somewhere in there I'll go to Leilei's and eat".

"Pretty organized, what type of band?"

"Emo, alternative, we mix it up, we write the songs together".

James had gotten some soap ad water witha towl and While Harry was talking I would clean his wounds.

"I'll be back in another hour to clean them again and rub cream on your scars".

"Ok".

"Why don't you sleep some more?"

"I don't sleep much, can you bring me a book?"

"Yes of course, which one?"

"Any of them is fine, I hve read them all".

"Would you like new books?"

"No its fine I don't mind re-reading, I enjoy them all".

"Ok".

I handed him a book on fractals and left him to read.

I went to my bedroom and James was already there waiting for me.

"Can you set an alarm for every hour?"

"Yes".

"Thank you James".

He set the alarm and kissed me goodnight.

I woke up to the alarm buzzing and went to Harry's room. He was still reading.

"Hey".

He looked up and gave a small hi.

I walked over to him and cleaned his wounds again. I went downstairs and grabbed the cream and went back upstairs to Harry to rub it on his scars. When I got back up there, he was so exhausted. I gently rubbed in the cream and kissed his fore head which made him scrunch up his face. I walked back to my room to an awake James.

"How is he?" he asked

"He's asleep, he's exhausted" I told him.

"I can imagine".

The night went on like this, we would wake up every hour and I would get up to clean his wounds and every other hour rub in cream. Harry slept all through the night though. It was rather cute.

After the 7 oclock washing, I went downstairs to make breakfast.

"Lily" James said.

"Yes" I replied.

"Tongiht a tomorrow its my turn".

"I know, your excited to get to know him".

"Very, he's my son".

We made small chat while I made breakfast, since Harry needed to eat certain things, we might as well follow the same diet. Its to make him healthy, He's so skinny.

I never really took a good look at harry, he's about 5'6, average, but he's 110 lbs, he's so underweight, he has muscle, and if he didn't have that than god he would be like 90 lbs. hopefully this diet will help him gain a few pounds.

"James Harry is to skinny".

"I know, he wears like an extra small, I mean god that kid is all bones, for his height, he should weigh 150 pounds".

"And he's like 110, only cause of muscle".

"I'll give him his breakfast" James said.

"I'll go with you".

We walked up the stairs together and into Harry's bedroom. He was still alseep. I gently nudged his shoulder which made him jerk alarmed by the contact.

"Oh hi, sorry I'm not used to being touched".

"Its ok Harry".

James walked up to Harry and set his breakfast in his lap, you could visibly see Harry was still a bit frightened of James. You could also see that James was hurt by this.

"Harry, son, I will never hurt you again, I promise".

"Ya I got it".

'We'll let you eat in peace, I'll be up soon to check on you".

"Um..."

"Yes?'

"I don't know if I can eat all of this, I mean its a lot, for me".

"Eat what you can Harry".

"Uh..."

"Yes?"

"I don't know what to call you, you don't want to be called mother or father anymore and I can't keep calling you um or uh so..."

"Mom and dad, or Lily and James if you can't call us that".

"I didn't know your names were Lily and James, but both of those would be kinda awkward".

"I'd love it if you called us mom and dad, please".

"It'll awkward for a while but i guess, um... mom".

It sounded as if he had to force it out but me and James left and ate our breakfasts. Afterwards, James left for work and I went to check on Harry again.


	4. Chapter 4

JPOV

At work today nothing special relly happened. I got home around 5:10 just when Lily was walking down from Harry's room.

"You can startNext hour and boned with him I'm sure he'll love talking to your It'll make him happy" Lily told me.

I was so excited to get to know my other son. I din't know the first thing about him.

Lily began to make dinner, she was making whole grain spaghetti with tomato sauce and sausage, with bread and butter, and sliced apple.

At 5:40 it was done and I brought it up to Harry.

"Hey".

"Oh hi".

He was still frightened of me which I get, but it still hurt.

I put the tray on his lap and just kinda stood there.

"Um how was work?"

"It was boring, nothing really happened, how was being home all day?"

"Um Leilei came over with Kasey, they hung out for a while, Leilei gave me her powerful words of wisdom, she was upset about the suicide attempt cause she has always been there to tell me "your only as good as you say you are" and "What people say about you is worthless". So she was lecturing me on life".

"I'm glad you have a friend like her that care".

"Ya she's great, when I got my intellience test done, she was telling me about how she knew I would be amazingly smart and stuff, and her family loves me, they basically adopted me, her brother game me the talk, that was awkward".

"Sounds like it".

It hurt that while we were neglecting him, he just found a whole new family. I should have been the one to talk about that awkward stuff with him.

"Ya well were still cool though, he's a cool guy, her sister is cool, and her mom is like the best".

"Harry did you ever wish you weren't a Potter?"

"Oh I'm sorry if I'm like upsetting you that I basicaly became a Mothra".

"No I'm happy that you could find people that cared".

"Ya they are amazing".

"Hey its 6, so why don't I clean your wrist".

"Look I can totally do it, I feel bad making you get up and stuff".

"Hey its what a parent does".

"Not to me".

"Harry you deserve just as much as everyone else, no you deserve more".

"Uh thanks".

I cleane his wrists out and rubbed the cream on.

He slowly began to eat and he ate about a quarter of it before he stopped.

"I'm full".

"You sure, you didn't eat much".

"I have eaten to much today".

"Harry, you haven't finished any of your meals".

"Well I usually eat like 1 small meal a day and a gallon of water and I'm good".

"Well your gonna start getting into the habit of eating 3 meals a day and drinking milk".

He nodded and I grabbed the food and watched him fall asleep.

I wonder how Sirius and Remus are doing. When Harry and Sean were 2 they couldn't stand to look at us for the way we treated Harry, we haven't seen them since.

"Hey Lily I'm going to go to Diagon Alley for some food, I'll be back at 7".

She nodded and i went to the ice cream shop there. Mabey Harry would like chocalate for strawberry. The Ice cream shop had so many flavors I just bought a cup of each flavor.

In the corner of the Ice cream shop was none other than Sirius and Remus.

"SIRIUS! REMUS!"

They turned to look at me. I ran to them.

"James, what are you doing here? Why do you have so much ice cream?" Sirius asked.

"I am getting some for Harry, I don't know what he likes so I got him some of each".

"So you finally decided to pay Harry some attention" Remus said coldly.

"I know I treated him awful, and it got out of hand, so we are trying our hardest to get Harry to trust us".

"Why isn't he at Hogwarts? How did it get out of hand? WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY GODSON!" Sirius screamed.

"Harry gets private lessons from Dumbledore so he doesn't go to Hogwarts, and a few days ago Harry slit his wrists in a suicide attempt because of us, but he's doing better, he's trying to hid his fear and anger from us".

"James how could you let it get that far! You stupid ass hole!" Remus yelled.

"Look mybe it would help him if he knew you guys, I'm taking care of him tomorrow so you can come and say hi".

"We will James, but if this happens again, we won't hesitate to kill you".

"I know, I have to go".

I went back home just around 7 and went upstairs to wash Harry's wounds.

Harry was still asleep as I knew he would be, I washed his wounds out and left without another word.

"Your getting into being his dad James".

"He's so lid back and calm, but he hides so much, Its making me curious".

"Well I talked to Dumbledore and he agreed not to do lessons with Harry till after christmas break".

"Good".

Through out the night I got up and went back to sleep and in the morning Harry ate little breakfast, And at noon he ate little lunch, and around 2 Sirius and Remus came. Me and Harry would talk about little things like college and what Harry is going to do with his degree. But things got more interesting when Sirius and Remus came.

"Hello Harry I'm you uncle Sirius".

"And I'm your uncle Remus".

"Hi nice to meet you both".

Sirius and Remus got Harry to twitch a little smile for a bit, they talked about Harry's life and what he has done. Over the next two weeks it went like this. Harry still ate no more than when he began. He didn't gain any weight, and he was beginning to get restless.

"Dad when Can I get and run again, I have been in this bed for 2 weeks, I need to move".

"The doctor said you won't have the strength to walk for 3 weeks, and running will take another 3".

"UGH! I can't be a good lazy person".

"Your not being lazy Harry, your healing" Lily said.

"Oh and Harry, your mom is going to pick up Sean for christmas, whatever your brother sais to you don't listen to him, we love you just as much as him and you are even better than him, well not really your equal in our eyes, but you have done more".

"But Sean's the boy who loved James".

I saw Harry tense at that.

"Harry are you ok?"

"Oh Ya".

"You don't like it that your brother it the boy who loved do you?".

"Um you have to talk to Dumbeldore on that one".

I didn't want to prod so I dropped it.

"Harry your kinda sweating are you ok?" Lily asked.

"I'm fine, its nothing".

She felt his fore head and moved his long hair. On the left side of his fore head was a lightning bolt scar.

"Harry where did you get that?" I asked.

"Oh nowhere it was years ago".

"It doens't look like nothing" Lily prodded.

"It is, its really old".

"Well then I'll drop that subject but Harry your running a fever, go to sleep and I'll check your temperature again when I get back" Lily said.

She left to get Sean and I fell asleep on the couch till I had to clean Harry's wounds again. He was flushed and sweaty when I got up there. I washed his wounds and went to get a bowl of fresh cold water. I soaked a wash cloth into it and put it on his forehead. He looked better when I did that. I went to the bathroom and got our thermometer.

I walked back to Harry's room and nudged him.

"Harry wake up".

He opened his eyes slowly loking confused.

"I need to take your temperature".

He took the thermometer and put it in his mouth. It beeped not much longer afterwards. 102.2.

"Harry do you hurt at all?"

"My head hurts and my chest hurts, and my stomach a little" he paused and went into a coughing fit.

"It will be ok, go to sleep I'll keep you cool Harry'.

He fell asleep soon after that and I kept Ice on his forehead. I paused when i heard the front door open.

"DAD!"

"I'm up here!"

I was scared of Seans reaction but we needed to tell him right away.

'WHY THE HELL IS THAT SQUIB IN MY SECOND BEDROOM!"

"Language Sean, Harry needs a bedroom to, don't shout he's sick".

"I'm more important! I'm THE BOY WHO LIVED!"

"That is not what matters".

"I AM WAY BETTER THAN HIM!"

"Look Sean we are going to treat you and Harry like equals, your not getting anything more or anything less than Harry".

Sean looke livid and he stomped to his now only bedroom.

"Lily Harry has a high fever of 102.2, he has a cough, a headache, chest pains, and he's sweating".

"Oh dear, we should take him to the doctors".

"Lets wait and see ow he feels tomorrow".

"Alright".

I picked up a wash cloth and put it on his forehead.

Lpov

"I'm going to make dinner, what do you want?"

"I don't know, why don't I go get something, and you stay with Harry Lily".

"Ok, he's such a cute sleeper".

"I know" and James left to get dinner.

"Mom".

"Yes Sean".

"I want something sweet and sugary".

"AFter dinner".

"But I want it now!"

"No after dinner".

"But you always let me have what I want!"

"No more Sean, your going to be treated like a normal kid".

"But I'm not!"

"Neither is Harry!"

"Why does he all of a sudden get attention and love!"

"He slit his wrist because of us Sean! He tried to kill himself!"

"Maybe we would have been better without him!"

"Sean go to your room!"

"WHY!"

"JUST GO!"

Sean grumpily stomped to his room and I began to sob. I must have been loud cause when I looked at Harry he was staring at me.

"Hey how are you feeling?"

"I hurt, I'm tired, I need water".

I poured him a glass of water as he struggld to sit up.

"Try and drink it slowly".

He nodded and slowly sipped the water. When he was done he leaned over and put on his bedside table before collapsing back onto the bed.

"I feel awful, its so hot".

He sat up again and took his shirt off. Jesus he had very defined abs to.

"Do you need anything?"

"No just sleep, god right now I want to be back in my basement".

"Why?"

"Its so cold down there, I'm never warm down there, I bet it would feel amazing right now".

"Well We have cold water and a wash cloth".

I dipped the cloth in the water and put it back on his forehead. He took it off and rubbed it on his chest before putting it back on his head. It was time to wash his wrist again so I did and rubbed on the cream.

"Hey arn't I supposed to be taking anti-depressants?"

"I have been putting them in your sandwhich".

"Ah".

He looked very drowsy.

"Are you up for some food?"

"No".

I smiled at him and left to go downstairs and let him sleep.

Not much later James came home with bags of chinese food.

"Hey".

"Hey".

"How is he?"

"He's so tired and hot, I feel bad for him, he wants back in the basement cause its cold".

"Well I scheduled a doctors appointment".

"When?"

"Tomorrow".

That night we talked to Sean about the new rules and changes, he screamed a lot and threw a tantrum. I ignored him. I love Soon I really do, But we have Screwed Up so bad setting him get so spoiled, he gets bad grades, heW's disrespectful but how if the time too Nearer, I should call hilted (her for dinner sometime to make up for his bad behavior, or at least Severs and Minerva, I bet they would appreciate it.

I went upstairs to chck on Harry. He was still asleep. Maybe we should get him a wheel chair.

"James" I said as I walked back down stairs.

"Yes?"

"Lets get Harry a wheel chair".

"But he's sick, he needs to be in bed".

"Your right, when is he aloud to get up again?"

"Well I think he's gained back his strength from the blood loss, but he's sick, but when he's better, if we still need to wash his wrists, then he'll have to stay on the property".

"Ok".

When we were done with dinner we went upstairs to sleep for a little while.

The next morning, while Harry was asleep, James carried him to the doctors. When he came home, Harry was still alseep.

"So what did the doctor say?"

"He has the flu, a serious case too".

"How long will it last?"

"A week or 2".

I wiped the hair from Harry's face and kissed his forehead and watched James carry him to bed.


	5. Chapter 5

Lpov

Finally Harry wasn't sick, and he was better from the cuts and because of the cream, he didn't have anymore scars. Harry was very reluctant to be around us on Christmas. I think he felt good though. He was amazed we spent so much on him, Sean though was very jealous. He threw a fit that we spent less on him. We still spent a great deal on him but not as much as we did on Harry. Now Sean is back at Hogwarts, Harry is getting his lessons with Dumbledore, we are back at work, Harry is always with his friends, and we are spending more time together.

I was now making breakfast while James is in the shower. Then I heard someone running down the stairs. Harry came into the kitchen fully clothed ready to go somewhere.

"Where are you going?"

"Audition".

"Oh do you need a ride?"

"No, Leilei's mom is picking me up".

"Oh that nice".

"Ya, sorry I need to leave now, I'll be back later".

Harry ran out of the house without another word. 5 minutes later James came down dressed and ready for work. I put breakfast on the table.

"Where is Harry?"

"He left, he has an audition".

"He acts?"

"I guess so".

When we finished breakfast we both left for work.

Hpov

"Leilei, I don't think I can do this".

"Yes you can Harry, even Kasey is auditioning".

"I'm so bad, I cannot believe you are making me do this Leilei".

Finally it was my time to get up and audition.

The I walk on stage and the director signals me to start.

"I'm Harry Potter, I'll be auditioning for James".

(I'm actually writing a script for this, the link is on my profile)

After the audition he said he would call me tomorrow about the part.

I walked out and met up with Leilei and Kasey after their auditions.

"So Kasey, how did it go" Leilei asked.

"I think it actually went well".

"Self confidence will get you far Kasey".

"Mine went bad as fuck, how was yours Leilei?"

"It was great, I'm going to make a great Adison".

We went out for lunch at McDonalds then I went home. It was only 11 so I had time to kill. I decided to go to the mall and get in some shopping. I spent a while there till I needed to leave for my lesson. After my lesson I just went home. I walked in and whatever I call my mother, was sitting at the kitchen table. She looked busy so I wouldn't say anything. I didn't where whats his face was so I silent;y walked to the stairs. No one noticed I came home so I silently went to my room and went to sleep. I woke up hearing my parents talking.

"James I didn't hear him come home. where is he, I'm so worried!"

"I'm sure he is on his way home now".

They were talking about where I could have been, so I walked out my door and walked over to there room and peeked my head in. Its feels really weird.

"I have been home for hours, I was sleeping".

"Oh Harry I was so worried, why didn't you tell me you came home!"

"You looked busy and I was tired, so I just came up here and fell asleep".

"You still should have just called out that you were home, do you know how worried I was!"

"I didn't want to make you mad".

"I would not have gotten mad!"

"OK well, I'm tired. I'm going back to sleep".

"Are you not hungry?"

"I had something around 10, I'm fine".

"Its 7, come down and eat".

I walked downstairs to the kitchen with my parents following me.

"SO Harry, how was you audition? What did you do today?" My dad asked.

"Um, the audition went horribly, I went to McDonalds, then I went shopping, then I had my lesson, then I came here and slept, nothing big".

"Sounds interesting, what did you buy?" my mom asked.

"Um clothes, shoes, thats it'.

"Where did you get the money?" My dad asked.

"Um, since I was really smart as a child, I get checks of a good amount of money, I also do projects and stuff".

"Huh".

My mom gave me a big sandwhich and an anti-depressant with a glass of water.

I ate the sandwhich and took the pill and drank the water.

"Thanks".

"Your welcome".

I stood there for a second feeling awkward.

"Um, I'm going to my room".

"Do you want to play a game of chess or sit with us in the living room?" my mom asked.

"Um I'm fine, I'm tired, I'm gonna go to bed".

I almost ran up to my room, Its weird cause a month ago they yelled and got mad when they saw me.

A lot of changes in such a short amount of time.

The next morning I woke up to my phone ringing.

"Hello?"

"Is this Harry Potter?"

"yes".

"I would like to inform you that you got the part of James Caldwell and we would like you to come to the studio tomorrow at 8".

"I can do that".

I hung up the phone and decided to get up. I went downstairs and my parents were sitting at the table talking.

"Would he want to come with us?" my mom asked.

"I don't know, were going to Hawaii this summer, I think he would want to but he still is so awkward and scared of us. I also don't know id we can afford to take him".

"I think we can, He is our son and he should come to a family vacation".

"I know, I don't know if we should, he is so scared" My dad said.

"You guys don't have to do anything for me" I said walking into the kitchen.

"Harry we want to take you but you seem so scared around, were if you want to and if it is a good idea" my mom said.

"Look its fine I'm probably busy this summer, i got the part".

"Harry that's great!" My mom exclaimed.

"Good job son".

"Ya, but anyways I don't think Sean would like it if I came".

"Harry we love you and we don't want you to feel like you have to do everything to spare Sean's feelings".

"OK you guys don't have to keep pretending I know you like Sean more than me and he is more important, I'm totes cool with that, I have friends, I'm not lonely".

"HARRY! We do not love Sean more than you! You are just as important as him, we love you" my dad said.

"Harry stop hiding your emotions, I know we hurt you possibly beyond repair, we want to try and fix it but we can't unless we know what your feeling".

I sighed and tried to think of my feelings.

"I'm angry I always came last, I'm sad that I resorted to suicide, I feel hated, I hate you cause you rejected and abused me, but I'm happy that I had friends through it all, so I guess I resent you".

"Oh Harry I am so sorry, god, i want to make it up to you I really do, we need a chance to make it up to you, please".

"I don't know how you can'.

"Just et me be a mother to you".

"Harry I really want to do the things with you that I do with Sean".

I nodded not really knowing what to say. I stood there for a second before giving them a thumbs up and walking back to my room.

I really don't know how to respond to this. What do I do? How do I deal with this? I'm so confused, I feel so helpless.

I look around my now bright and happy room. This is not me. I can't believe I'm saying this but everything was better when I was neglected. I don't think I like being loved, or i just don't know how to deal with it.

I picked up my phone and called Leilei.

"Hello?" she said.

"Hey" I replied.

"Hey did you get the part?"

"Ya I did but I want to talk about something else right now" I said.

"Ya sure whats bugging you?" she asked.

"My parents want to be parents to me and they're taking a vacation and want me to come, they asked about my feelings and they want to make up all the shit they did to me and I don't know how to deal with this, I have never had people say this to me, what dd I do" I basically pleaded.

"Harry take a deep breath, calm down. Harry I think its good you told them, you never really allow yourself to open up, you have held in all this anger all these years and its literally eating you alive, your panicking cause you never faced your emotions, therapy never helped you cause you wouldn't admit that you were even capable of feeling, and it drove you to suicide, I think you should talk to your parents and open up, let them try to love you. I'm going to schedule you for more frequent therapy sessions cause I you need mental help. I also think you should spend a while in a mental hospital".

"WHy should I go to and mental hospital?"

"I think it will help you, you really need help and its more than I or your parents can give you".

"How do I even get in a mental hospital?".

"Let me handle that, I think a few weeks or months will really help you calm down and let go of stress".

"What do I do till then?"

"Go take a bath, eat something after that, and just spend some time in your room just breathing, don't do anything till you have to".

"Alright thanks bye".

"Bye".

I hung up the phone and went to the bathroom. I made a bath for myself and just sat there in the hot water. It felt nice. It felt like something.

I got out of the bath and got dressed and went back to my room. I was scared to go downstairs and eat cause my mom was still down there.

I layed on the floor for hours till I had to get up and meet Dumbledore.

I walked to where we usually met, but I went through my window cause i didn't know I anyone was still home or not. When I got there Dumbledore was there waiting for me.

"Harry my boy, how was your day?"

"Um, not good, stressful, my friend is looking into putting me into a mental hospital".

"Why?"

"I don't do well with emotions and she sais that its eating me alive holding everything in and that I need mental help and that it needs to be super professional, and after that she wants me to go to daily therapy sessions".

"Harry I think she's right".

"I'm not crazy".

"No your not, but you will be if you don't let all of your anger go".

'I'm not angry".

"Yes you are, Harry, you don't admit to your feelings but they are there, and you have buried them for so long, its eating you alive, Harry I want to stop our lessons until you are 16, spend the year calming down, I will always talk to you if you need me, but I want you to get help for yourself, and I want you to cry tonight".

"1 why do I need to cry? 2 won't i fall behind if we stop the lessons?"

"Harry I have trained you up to the 7th year, it won't hurt you at all if we stop for good now, when we start again we are going to go into the stuff you need to know to defeat Voldemort, but for now get help, and crying will make you feel good".

Dumbeldore left shortly after that and I sat by a tree cause we were in a clearing. I thought about my life and began to cry. I cried for hours. I began to sob even, I was crying so hard and was so out of it I didn't even notice it got dark. I didn't hear the people around me. I didn't hear the people calling my name. I didn't feel anything either. I finally just blacked out. I didn't even know where I was. I was somewhere secluded and quiet.

I woke up with a jolt and sat up. I was in my bed. I didn't even know how I got here. I checked the time and found out it was 10 in the morning. My parents were probably at work. I sat there just thinking about last night. I remembered Dumbledore leaving me and then I don't remember anything else. I got up and went downstairs. I didn't feel hungry but figured I should eat something since I haven't eaten in a while.

I got to the kitchen when someone said my name.

"Harry!"

It was one of my dads friends, the blond one.

"Oh hey".

"How are you feeling, you didn't look well yesterday".

"Um I'm alright, I'm just going to get something to eat then probably sit around".

"Oh ok, Um you got a phone call from people saying you missed a meeting but it was ok cause it wasn't even important".

"OH SHIT!"

I ran upstairs and grabbed ,y phone calling Leilei.

"Hey where were you this morning?"

"I was sleeping I was messed up yesterday, what was the meeting about?"

"They just said we got our parts and rehearsal started in April, they want us to memorize our lines for the season and get acquainted with our character, I have your stuff, I'll bring it over later".

"Ok, do you know anything about last night?''

"Your mom came by and asked questions about you and then asked me if I knew where you were, I said no, then she left and called me later saying they couldn't find you and it was 9 then but she called me at 11 saying they found you".

"How did time go by that quickly, I sat down and started crying, but how was I crying and so out of it that long?"

"You need to get 14 years of anger, resentment, and depression out of your system, you could cry for 10 years strait and not realize it, and it wouldn't be enough, that is why I'm sending you to a mental hospital for a month".

"A MONTH!"

"And then your getting daily therapy, I looked into it yesterday, your going this weekend, don't worry its really just 4 weeks".

"WHat will I do?"

"You will talk people about your problems, I asked about a schedule for you and I got one.

8-wake up

8-8:30- get ready for the day

8:30-9 breakfast

9-11-therapy session

11-12- free time

12-12:30-lunch

12:30-3-more therapy

3-6- free time/visiting hours

6-7-dinner/dessert

7-10-free time

10-10:30-get ready for bed

10:30-bedtime

".

"That's a lot of therapy and free time".

"Your gonna use your first free time for thinking, the second you will use it for more thinking and talking, the third you can do whatever".

"How do you know my parents will let me go".

"Easy, you pack, I'll come get you, when its time for you to leave you tell them your spending 4 weeks in the nut house'.

"OK then, I have to go, I'll talk to you later".

"Bye".

I hung up the phone and went back downstairs.

"Sorry I took so long".

"Its fine Harry, whats going on?"

"Um complicated stuff"

"Like what?"

"Um I got a role in a tv show and I'm going away for a while this weekend".

"What do you mean your going away for a while?"

"I'm being sent to a mental hospital for 4 weeks".

"Do James and Lily know this?"

"No they don't but its supposed to help me".

"Why are you going?"

"Um I have a hard time with emotions and I just need time to gather my help, I just... Its complicated".

"Are you going to be OK?"

"I hope so".

The blond looked at me with sadness in his eyes, I didn't like it.

"I can't deal with all the emotions that everyone is expressing and my friend is sending me cause I have been holding in 14 years worth of emotions and she sais it will help me express them more, but mostly it will help me deal with everything without suicide".

"When will you tell them?"

"Before i leave, last minute, I don't know, I don't want them to know, god I want things just to go back to how they were before, just me sitting alone pretending I'm fine while time passes by, I delt with it so far why can't I go the rest of my life?"

"Harry you tried to kill yourself, obviously it was to much to handle for you".

"I tried to kill myself cause I was wasting space, I thought everyone would be happier without me".

"No one would have been happy if you killed yourself! Your parents love you, do you really want to go back to thinking they hate you!"

"Its better than dealing with all there emotions! I can't do it! They are trying to act as if they care about me and they are so happy and I can't deal with it! I DON'T WANT A FAMILY!"

"Harry you need them, what are they doing that you can't deal with?"

"They were telling me that they wanted a chance to love, that they wanted me to be happy, James was telling me that he wants to be a real dad to me and Lily was telling me that she loves me and wants to be a mom to me! How am I supposed to respond to this!"

"Harry I will talk to them, go upstairs and lay down, let off some steam, I'll go get you some food, just lay around today".

"I'm gonna go run instead, I have been eating to much and not been getting enough exercise, don't worry about food I'm not hungry".

"When was the last time you ate?"

"Um The night before yesterday".

"Your going to eat Harry".

"Well I'm gonna go run first".

"Alright".

I went upstairs got my Ipod and changed into some shorts, then went outside and began to run. I ran about 4 miles before I decided to go back. I walked into the house and the blond dude was sitting at the table with food.

"Hey".

"Hey, come eat".

I sat down and ate. He got Chinese so it was an alright brunch.

"Thanks for the food".

"Your welcome Harry".

"Um what do i do now?"

"Just lay around, take it easy'.

"I have been taking it easy since my suicide attempt".

"Harry, you need a break from the world, use this to your advantage".

I nodded and went upstairs. I decided to draw again. I was getting really into it. I drew 6 really detailed pictures. One was of a dragon, another was of a man sitting in a corner with a bottle of vodka, another was of a crying women, the next of a dragon cause they are cool, another of me crying, the last one of a black bloody rose. I tend to draw lines and see them turn into something then base the picture off of that. It was about 3 in the afternoon, I heard the blond dude talking to my mom or whatever I should call her, he was repeating what I said.

"Lily He's a wreck, He's going to a mental hospital for 4 weeks, he can't deal with all of your guys' emotions! You need to back off of him, he cannot deal with all the pressure you are putting on him, he said he didn't want a family, he thinks your faking everything, he tried to kill himself cause he thought it would make you happy!"

"How could he think that! I love him so much, WHY IS HE GOING TO A MENTAL HOSPITAL! I just want him to know I care, what do I do?"

"You need lay off him, let him breathe, when you guys told him you wanted to be real parents to him, he didn't know how to respond".

"I had not idea".

She was crying by now. I felt really bad for making her cry.

"He's going to the mental hospital cause he needs a break, and he needs to learn how to deal with emotions".

"I can't lose him Remus, he's my baby!"

I'm not a baby and I don't want to be thought of as one. I couldn't deal with listening to the conversation anymore. I took a blanket and covered my window with it, I shut my door, I lied down in bed, and dozed off. I must have fallen asleep without realizing it cause I was being shaken by someone.

"Harry honey, wake up its dinner time".

Oh god it was my mom.

"I'm not hungry, I ate chinese for brunch".

"Harry you need to eat, come on wake up".

I opened my eyes and groaned. I slowly merged my way up and kinda fell off the bed.

"Are you OK?"

"Ya".

I got up and made my way downstairs where James, the blond dude who I now knew was named Remus, and some other dude I met before was sitting at the table with food on their plates. I nervously walked to the table and took a seat furthest from everyone. I looked at was on the table. There was lasagna, green beans, iced tea, and mashed potatoes. I put a little bit of each on my plate except the iced tea cause that would be gross. I poured that in my glass.

"SO what did you do today harry?" James asked.

"I talked to Leilei, I talked to Remus, I went on a run, I ate Chinese food, and I drew, then I slept'.

"Sounds fun, what are you doing tomorrow?" Lily asked.

"Tomorrows Friday so I guess I'm packing".

Lily or my mom whatever I call her, her face began to turn red. I felt really guilty about leaving but its to late now. Lily had tears dripping out of her eyes now.

"Where are you going?" James asked panicking.

"I'm spending 4 weeks in a mental hospital".

"WHAT! WHY!"

I flinched noticeably and he calmed down a little bit not wanting to scare me.

"I just am".

"Your coming back right?" the other dude asked.

"Ya, but I'll be gone for 4 weeks, you can visit from 3-6 everyday".

"But you won't be here?" James asked.

"Ya".

I began to eat and everyone looked all down and sad and sorta mad. It was to much to handle for me.

"Um I'm gonna go back upstairs, see ya later".

I pretty much ran up to my room. I got on my mac and just played for a while. There was a knock on my door about 2 hours later.

"Come in!"

Lily and James walked in nervously.

"Harry, we are really sorry, we didn't realize".

"Son if you need anything, or need to talk, we are here for you".

"I'm sorry I have acted so... I don't know but sorry for everything, I didn't mean to put all this crap in your lives, I really am sorry, you don't need to be apart of this".

'Harry we want to be apart of this, you our baby, don't be sorry for anything".

Lily hugged me realy tight it actually kinda hurt. James came and hugged both of us. They didn't let go for a while.

"I'll miss you Harry" Lily said.

"Its will only be 4 weeks".

"Harry your our son and your going to a mental hospital, this is the point where we know we fucked up big time" James said.

"What will you do there?"

"Get therapy,think, just stuff".

Lily pulled me into a hug again. She kissed me on my head and let me go.

"You used to be this tiny little baby and now that baby is going to a mental hospital".

"We are going to take tomorrow off".

"You guys don't have to do that, look I am so sorry you really should not have to do this or put up with me, you have done to much for me".

"Harry we have barely done anything for you, we want to be with you, I don't want you to do this alone".

"Harry, we really do want to help you".

We talked for a while. They left after a while and I went to bed.

The next I woke up and ate breakfast. I then began to pack. Lily came in crying and she hugged me and would not let go. James had to come force her off of me. Then I finished packing and ate lunch. I spent the next few hours talking to my parents. That night after dinner Leilei came and picked me up.

She dropped me off at the mental hospital, got me emitted, handed me some bags, and they took me to my room.


	6. Chapter 6

Alright I am not updating till I get more reviews, send them in people, but more than just "update please" or "really good" I want examples and feed back but no hates.


	7. Chapter 7

Hpov

I have been in the mental hospital for 2 weeks now and I think its helping. I'm doing better with emotions. I feel happier. I'm learning how to cope with my feelings and it feels like a weight is being lifted off of me.

My parents have been visiting every day. They have been talking to me. I'm getting more comfortable with them. Leilei has been visiting with them. Apparently my parents have been talking to Leilei about me. I have been reading the script for our TV show. I have been drawing and writing also. The therapist told my parents that I'm making progress but still have a lot more to go through and I might ave rebound. The therapist said that while I'm doing better I still am very mentally Ill.

I'm scared that I'm still sick. I don't like being sick and having no control over it. I don't like knowing that my mind is corrupted and It will take a long time to fix it.

I'm scared.

I told my mom I was scared. I don't think she knew what to say.

The next 2 weeks I didn't make much progress, if anything I'm worse than before, but I could go home. I kept waking up screaming from nightmares. They were all of my past. They made me keep a dream journal. I started to hear voices. They kept telling me everyone was happier without me and to end it all.

My parents were talking to the therapist about my new problems, they finally walked out.

"Harry honey, come on lets go home".

I walked to the car with them and they pulled out of the parking lot.

"Are you excited to go home?" My dad asked.

"Ya".

"Harry we want to know if you would feel more comfortable if one of us stayed home with you?" My mom asked.

"No its fine, I'm fine".

"Harry we can't lose you, your my son, if these voices are telling you to harm yourself we want to be with you" my mom said.

"I don't know, I don't want to be alone, these voices are scary, its really is scary that I'm hearing things and I can't stop it, but I don't want to bug you guys".

"Harry I have a muggle job, it won't matter if I quit".

"Are you sure?"

"Of course, Sirius and Remus will also be over more now".

"Who is Sirius and Remus?"

"Remus was the guy who stayed with you that one day, and Sirius is your god-father, he was at dinner with us".

"Oh right".

When we got home I grabbed all of my stuff and dropped them in my room then went to the living room. My parents were sitting on the couch watching TV. They were watching South Park. I walked in and sat on a recliner next to the couch they were on.

"Hey Harry, how are you feeling now that your home?"

"I'm alright, which episode?"

"I don't know but the fat one is making mean Jew comments".

"Thats Cartman for you".

"Hmm".

3 episodes later i was getting tired. I must have fallen asleep cause my mom was calling my name and shaking me.

"Harry come on move to your bed".

I groaned and stood up. I went to bed and was asleep almost instantly. I woke up screaming sometime later. My door bust open and my dad came in.

"Harry! Are you ok?"

"Ya it was a nightmare, sorry".

"Don't apologize, your drenched in sweat. I'll get you a towel".

James left and came back with a wet cold towel and a dry one. I took the wet one and cooled myself off and dried myself with the other.

"Thanks, I'm really sorry".

"Its fine, get some sleep".

I nodded and layed back down. I checked the time when my dad left.

3:57

I went back to sleep but woke in a cold sweat again. I realized I was screaming and stopped immediately. I jumped when my door opened again. This time it was my mom with the towels. She sat on my bed and dabbed the wet one on my forehead.

"I'm sorry".

"Harry its fine, you can't help it, do you want to tell me your dream?"

"No I don't want to upset you".

"What are they about Harry, I won't get angry".

"They are about my childhood".

"What about it?"

"All the times I was smacked, kicked, yelled at. All the hates and times I was in a corner. All the times I would be wishing just to die, all the times I was told the world was better without me, the voices to. I told you it would upset you".

"Harry I am not upset with you, I'm upset with myself, I can't take away all the pain of the past but I can promise a better future".

"god I feel like a wuss with all these problems".

"Don't feel that way, look obviously sleep isn't doing well with you so why don't you come down stairs and have something to eat".

"OK".

We walked downstairs and I heard my dad was in the shower.

"So what sounds good?"

"Um cereal is fine".

"What kind?"

"What do we have?"

"Lucky charms, Special K, Cocoa Puffs, Honey Bunches of Oats, and Caption Crunch".

"I have never had any of those, whats your favorite?"

"You haven't had any of these? Lets start with the Lucky charms".

She made me a bowl of Lucky Charms and I took a bite.

"Is it supposed to be this sweet?"

"Yes its a kid cereal".

I nodded and continued to eat it. It wasn't that good but I never need to eat it again I guess.

"Do you want me to put the bowl in the sink or what?"

"Yes the sink is fine".

I put the bowl in the sink, and sat back down at the table.

"So what am I doing today?" I asked.

"Well I am not going to work, so I guess we can just stay here, or we can go shopping, you have therapy at 5:30, and its only 7, so I we can do whatever".

My dad walked down dressed for work.

"Good morning, I'm having breakfast at work, so I'm going to leave now".

"OK James, bye".

They kissed and my dad left. It was me and my mom again.

"Um..."

"Go sit down, I'll make you some hot chocolate".

"I'm fine I just don't know what to do right now".

"Well you could sweep the floor".

"Where's a broom?"

"I was joking".

"It will give me something to do".

"You don't have to, Sean never does chores".

"Sean isn't the best of people".

"I suppose if you want to, the broom is in the closet".

I went to go get the broom and began to sweep the floor while my mom did the dishes and washed the counters. When I was done I put the broom back.

"So now what?"

"Would you like to go shopping".

"Not really".

I wanted some good sleep but that was not going to happen. I don't get it. I was getting better! How did the voices and dreams just come? God I'm gonna be known as the crazy shit.

"What do you want to do?"

"I want to sleep".

"Harry there is a potion for a dreamless sleep, I could get some from an old friend, do you want some?"

"Yes I do".

"Alright I'm going to Hogwarts, I'll get some, be right back".

She took some powder and went into the fire place and said Hogwarts and was gone. Woah, trippy.

About an hour later she was back with a bag full of little containers.

"Alright so every night your going to take a half of 1 of these little vials".

"Ok, I can wait till tonight".

"Alright, oh the friend I got them from is coming over for lunch".

"OK".

"I just thought maybe you wouldn't feel comfortable with it".

"Its not my house, if I'm not comfortable I have a bedroom and friends".

"I cannot believe I never realized how good of a kid you are".

My mom turned the TV on and we watched some Spongebob cause he's a beast. Half through the episode the voices started.

_"They all hate you, they're faking it, they don't need you. Kill yourself, end it all, it will make them happy"._

I fell off the couch and clutched my head.

"HARRY!"

I got into a fetal position while clutching my head.

_"They don't want you, slice yourself again, make your mother happy"._

They voices hurt. I had tears streaming down my face. My mom was holding me and stroking my face.

"The voices won't stop!"

_"KILL YOURSELF! You know you want to!"_

"Harry don't listen to them, we love you so much, the voices aren't real!"

"I know, they hurt though".

She continued to rub my face and head, it felt comforting but the voices were still there.

"Am I going to be living with them for the rest of my life?"

"I hope not".

She held me to her until I pushed her away.

"They left for now".

My mom nodded and checked the time.

"Its 9 already, go take a nice long bath, my friend is arriving at 12:30, we have plenty of time".

I went upstairs and took a super hot bath. I got out around 10:15 and went to my room. My mom went to take a shower after me. I decided to read a book. I began to read twilight cause It was given to me but I never read distract myself from the torture I put my ipod on shuffle. I was almost done with it when my mom knocked and came in. I took the headphones of my ears and looked at her.

"Lunch is ready, my friend is here, his name is Severus Snape, I think you'll like him".

I put the book down and went to put a shirt and pants on. I put a green and black striped shirt on with black skinny jeans. I walked downstairs and saw her friend. He had back oily hair and had a lot of black clothing on. He would fit in in Los Angeles.

"Hi I'm Harry".

"Severus".

He held out his hand and I took it.

"So how about lunch, I made sandwiches".

"Uh ya it sounds good... mom".

I said mom very slowly and unsurely. It felt weird to say it. To be honest I was scared to say it. I think it but never say it.

"Well then lets sit down".

My mom sat next to Severus and I sat across from them.

"It looks good lily" Severus said.

"Thank you".

"So Severus, what do you do?"

"I teach potions at Hogwarts".

"Ah so you know Sean".

"Oh ya I know Sean".

"What is he like at school?" my mom asked.

Severus sighed and said "He is annoying, can't keep his nose out of things that doesn't include him, he doesn't follow rules, he is disrespectful, he steals, and he acts as if he is above everyone, however Harry does not seem like this".

"No Harry is very quiet and reclusive, but about Sean, does he get in trouble a lot?"

"Every teacher gives him special treatment but me".

They began to talk about what they should do about Sean's behavior. I silently ate my sandwich and soup. I got up and got up to get water before I realized I didn't know where the cups were. I opened a few cabinets not finding them. I was about to open another when I heard my moms voice.

"Harry what are you doing?"

"I'm looking for cups".

She got up and went to a cabinet and got me a cup and handed it to me.

"You could have asked".

"You were talking".

"You are so unlike your brother" Severus said.

"Um I don't know what to say to that" I said awkwardly.

Severus began to laugh at that.

"I like you harry".

"Um I also do not know how to respond that".

He laughed and looked at the time.

"Well Lily I must be off, Harry walk with me to the door".

I walked with him and he stopped when my mom was out of ear shot.

"I know you are the boy who lived, I want to meet you again soon, we are very similar Harry, very similar".

He then turned around and with a loud crack he was gone.

"Harry come in here and talk to me!"

I walked to the living room and sat down with my mom.

"So I want to here what you all these years, what did you do on your birthdays?"

"Um up until I was 10 I sat in my room and cried, my 11th I went to America, twelfth I went to America, thirteenth I went to America, fourteenth I cut myself, got drunk and smoked pot and it was the same for my fifteenth".

"Thats really sad, wat did you cry about?"

"Um I was hungry but I didn't want to be seen, I was embarrassed I guess about my birthday, I was cold and lonely also, I was just sad cause no one was there with me, but you know by the time I was 10 I realized Its always going to be that way, I just kinda excepted that my birthdays personally don't matter".

"Harry don't say that! This year on your birthday were going to throw you a party".

"I'd rather smoke and drink if you don't mind, I don't like party's".

"Well I do mind, your to young to drink and smoke, have you ever gotten drunk or high?'

"Of course I have!"

"Harry I want you to give up all of your drugs and cigarettes and alcohol".

"Your asking for a miracle, my drugs and alcohol have been there for me always! I have only ever felt happy with them!"

"Harry please! They could kill you! I want you to be happy but not with those things!"

"I'll try but no promises".

"Thats all I ask for, so you went to America".

"Yes'.

"How did no one notice you left the continent?"

"Um no one cared I guess, you guys said you never wanted to see me so you never did so I guess no one missed me".

"What about your friends?"

"Um they knew where I was going and what I was doing but my birthday just isn't important, I didn't want it celebrated".

"We are celebrating it this year".

"I don't want to".

"Harry please, we can do whatever you want!"

"I'm sorry, mom, but its just not important to me!"

"Then I'm just gonna have to do more to convince you".

"I'm not changing my mind".

"Harry what will it take you to realize your very important to me, that I love you very much, that I want to spend time with you and catch up for lost time!"

"I'm sorry, its new to me".

I pulled my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them and buried my face into my knees. My mom soothingly rubbed my back and the voices started again. I groaned loudly.

"Whats wrong!"

"The voices!"

"I'm sorry Harry! I don't know what to do!"

She held me while I rocked back and forth. I began to cry. I tried to stop but I ended up gasping and wheezing. My mom started freaking out telling me to take nice deep breaths but I couldn't breathe. I don't know why the voices are making me cry so hard! I tried to stop when I heard my dads car pull mom must have gotten why I was suddenly trying hard to breathe and wiping my face.

"Harry he won't get mad, take your time, he wants to help".

I was still trying to stop when he walked through the door. I froze scared shitless cause I was still gasping. I feel like such a pussy. What if he sudden;y decides he has had enough of me and hits me again!

"Hello family, how was your day?"

"Fine James, can you get some water for Harry?"

"Ya whats wrong Harry?"

I couldn't speak cause I was still trying to breathe properly and not gasp.

"Harry are you OK?"

"Harry is having trouble breathing".

"What happened?"

"Harry was hearing voices and he began to cry, he tried really hard to stop and now he's making these little gasps, he tried really hard when your car pulled up".

"Why" he sounded hurt and a little angry at this. Oh god here it comes!

"He's scared your going to hurt him".

DAMMIT MOM! GOD HE'S GOING TO MURDER ME NOW!

"Harry I would never hurt you again!"

"I'm sorry!" I said.

"Its OK, but I will never ever hit you!"

I looked down, I as still gasping. Tears began to fall again.

"God I feel like a fucking pussy!"

"Harry! There is no need for such language!"

"Your thinking it too!"

"Harry your an emotional wreck! The thing you need most is to cry!" my dad said.

"Aren't you as a father supposed to tell me crying is for sissy's?"

"Harry thats not what I think and I'm not going to tell you that!"

"I have never cried till now! I used to be all cool and chill with everything, now I'm a pussy".

"Harry your not a pussy! Were going to get through this! We love you and we want to help, we don't care if you cry, but your not a pussy".

Eventually my mom said that it was time for therapy.

When we got to the therapist he greeted us warmly. I didn't bother to remember his name but today was a waste. He asked me questions and just made me explain what I was going through and why I was feeling this way, we barely got through anything when my mom picked me up. Tomorrow I have to begin to tell him about my childhood.

"So how was it?"

"A waste of time, but I guess we won't do much till after the first week".

My mom nodded and we got into the car.

"How long do I need the therapy?"

"As long as it takes for you to get better".

"WHat if I'm in therapy for a year and I make no progress".

"Then you need to go back to the mental hospital, Harry we will do everything to make you feel better".

"God I don't want to do this".

"Harry we will be here with you every step of the way".

"I'm sorry I dragged you into this, I'm really sorry, If I never cut my wrist you could be reading on the couch with no worries".

"I don't want you to apologize, I love you Harry, I want to be apart of your life".

I know she is probably lying. No one cares about me this much. I'm a nothing. No one loves me.

"Its beginning to rain" my mom said.

I nodded. When we got home I went to my room and finished twilight. I began on the other one and read for about 3 hours. I decided to stop cause it was getting painful and went downstairs but stopped when I herd my parents talking.

"I don't know what to do James, he hates his birthday, he apologized for being him, he said we just shouldn't be dragged into this, I love him but I don't know what to do James! I am so tired".

"I know Lily, I am too. But maybe it is best if we let things go back to how they were".

"I don't want to give up on him, and I don't want to make it worse!"

"I know, but maybe it is for the best, to just let him do his thing and us do ours, everyone was happier that way".

"Lets get some sleep, we'll talk about it tomorrow".

"Ya Sirius is coming tomorrow".

"I have to give him a potion, but if he wakes up I guess I can give it to him later".

I knew they didn't care.

I was angry, but I saw it coming, no one loves me. I walked back to my room and shut my door. I waited till they were asleep and went to my desk and got some paper and a pen.

On the paper I wrote,

_I heard what you said last night, I get it I saw it coming,_

_I'll get out of your hair for a while. Sorry I'm such a_

_Nuisance._

_Harry_

I posted it on my door and left out my window. I was so cold but I dealt with it. I forgot a jacket and is was raining really hard and there was even lightning. I sucked it up and walked into the forest. I was drenched within minutes. I walked in circles in the forest but still got pretty deep in. I knew where i was of course but no one else would. I didn't sleep that night. I walked for a few hours and sat in a deep puddle. I sat there till dawn. I just thought about what would become of my life, I know I have to defeat Voldemort, but maybe after that I should just end my life. Its not as if anyone would miss me. My parents are lying, my friends probably just feel bad for me. I'm so lonely. I again like the little pussy I am cried. I decided to get up and walked around some more. It was around 8 a.m right now. (It is in the time its supposed to be I looked it up suck it!) I decided I might as well go and change. I walked home and went back through my window. My parents weren't even home so I changed and grabbed my wallet, ipod, and phone and went through my window.

I walked into the city and went to a grocery store and bought a flavored water and some pop tarts. I walked out of the store and walked downtown. I knew some people at the skate shop and decided to go there. The guys name was S-D and he was fucked up. But he's still cool to talk to.

"Hey Potter waz up man"

S-D held his hand up and I gave him a high five.

"I walked out of my house around 10 last night and spent the night in the forest".

"Nice! Wait don't your parents like not give a rats ass about you or something, I know some great ways to piss off ass hole parents believe me!" he laughed.

"They decided to start pretending they cared but they don't so I walked out".

"Tough little dude, hey my rats nest is open man, I have some room and Bammy to share man, especially now since my room-mate got shanked".

"Your room-mate got shanked?"

"Ya but its cool, he lived, he just moved out".

"Cool cool".

"Dude I have to tell you a story".

"Oh boy! Story time" I said sarcastically.

"OK so I walk into this bar with my girlfriend, you following me? Anyways I get my buzz on and me and this guy bump into each other and get into a race on our bikes and he like woah cause I crashed and then I was like floating and then I was like glowing and then I woke in an ally and the thing is I don't remember ever meeting my girlfriend or getting a bike!"

"Um, that was really stupid, so stupid I'm gonna leave"

We said goodbye and I walked out of the shop and just kind of roamed the streets drinking water. I decided I had to pee so I walked into an Ihop and asked a waitress if i could use the bathroom. I walked into the bathroom and went pee. I walked out to wash my hands and there was a very angry looking Sirius and Remus.

"HARRY JAMES POTTER WHAT THE FUCK IS THE MATTER WITH YOU!" Remus yelled.

"A lot of things which one are we talking about".

"YOU KNOW WHAT WE ARE TALKING ABOUT! YOUR PARENTS ARE WORRIED SICK!" Sirius screamed.

"Why are you guys even here?"

"Your mom works here! YOU HAVE A HELL OF A LOT OF EXPLAINING TO DO!"

Remus grabbed me by the collar and dragged me to the restaurants kitchen and threw me at a counter.

"HARRY!" My mom yelled.

She came and hugged me really tightly and kissed my face.

"Oh go where the hell did you go!"

"The forest".

"HARRY JAMES POTTER WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU LEAVE AND GO TO A FOREST ON A NIGHT LIKE THAT!"

I really didn't know what to say so I just kept my mouth shut.

"God Harry, your gonna go home and take a shower, did yo get any sleep last night?"

I shook my head.

"Of course not! Go home, take a dreamless sleep, go to sleep, when you wake up your going to shower and eat, were going to discuss this when I get home!"

"Come on Harry" Remus said.

Sirius and Remus were both still really pissed. On the way home which was a 20 minute drive they were lecturing me.

"I can't believe you ran away, do your parents mean nothing to you!" Remus said.

"Yes they mean something to me!"

"Then why the hell did you run away last night!" Sirius questioned.

"I don't know, I heard them talking and it just made me feel like a nuisance".

"JESUS CHRIST HARRY! HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES DO WE HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT WE LOVE AND WE CARE?" Remus screamed.

"Harry your parents love you, how many times do we have to tell you this to get you to listen!" Sirius exclaimed.

"I have never been loved before now, I'm sorry I'm not used to it!"

"You can talk to us instead of running out and leaving a not that doesn't say where your going! Do you know what happened this morning? Your parents wake up, go to your room, find a note, call us and run frantically trying to find, we finally convinced them we would find you and they go to work, we see you walking around town with water and pop tarts, you don't even seem to care that your mom was crying!" Remus said.

"I do care!"

"You sure as hell don't act like it!"

We kept arguing back and forth until we got home. Remus and Sirius were livid with me. They unlocked the front door and Remus pretty much shoved me in. I went and got one of the little vials and drank the potion and went to my room. I collapsed before I even reached the bed.

I woke up hours later to my mom shaking me.

"Wake up!"

"I'm up I'm up".

"Come down and eat, you have to be at therapy soon".

My mom walked out and I followed her to 3 very angry to people. My dad was glaring at me along with his friends. I sighed and sat at the table. To say I was scared to face them was an understatement. I was fucking terrified.

I grabbed a plate and took some food and ate it looking at the table. I think I looked like I was in prison.

Finally my mom and I were driving to the therapist. It was a quiet drive cause she was pissed.

When we got there she immediately left. The therapist took me into the room and asked me to begin the tale of my childhood.

"Well I was born and the first year was good but when I was one my parents favored my brother over me. They moved me into a basement, they became abusive. I made a friend though and she has been with me all through the years, I went to college when I was nine, I graduated last year, I took up pot and booze last year also and before christmas I tried to commit suicide and my parents tried to be better to me but I think their faking it and last night I heard them talking about giving up on me and so I left last night and they're really pissed at me, then also I'm hearing voices that are urging me to commit suicide again".

"Harry tell me some stories from your childhood".

"Well OK, it was christmas and I was 5, so I go upstairs and say hi to my family and my dad beets me".

"Are there any happy ones?"

"Ya, I was about 7 and me and my friend Leilei are just hanging around, and she smiles at me, she has the best smile in the world, she was the one that kept me going all these years".

"Tell me about your mother Harry".

"My mom is loud, she yells at me a lot, um I don't know, what do you want to know about her?"

"How do you feel about her?"

"I'm angry that she treated me horribly, I don't think she actually loves me, I don't hate her but I don't love her, she is very awkward to be around".

"What are some memories with her from when you were younger?"

"One time I tried to say hi and she smacked me. When I was younger I asked if I could just move out and it pissed her off, when a person came to our home to tell them I was a genius she got mad at me, when I was 5 I had a nightmare and I was crying so I went to there room and she splashed me with water and made me sleep outside".

The therapist wrote some stuff on a clipboard and began talking again.

"Harry, close your eyes and breathe, think about your childhood, do this for five minutes, when you open your eyes I want you to pretend I'm you parents and say everything you need to get off your chest".

I did as I was told. I feeling a mixture of anger and sadness and helplessness all at once. I opened my eyes and began.

"I hate you, I wish I was never even born, I don't know what the fuck I ever did to deserve this, I don't even know why your pissed at me now, its not the first time i've done this shit, I don't why you smacked me, I don't know what I did to deserve to the beatings! WHAT TH HELL DID I EVER DO! I WAS A FUCKING CHILD AND YOU BASICALLY RUINED MY EYES, LOOK AT ME NOW! I'M HEARING VOICES! I'M IN THERAPY! I CAN'T SLEEP WITH OUT WAKING UP BECAUSE OF NIGHTMARES OF YOU FUCKERS BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF ME! I HATE AND I WISH YOU WERE DEAD! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY THE HELL YOU TOOK ME TO THE HOSPITAL! YOU COULD HAVE LET ME DIE! I WANT TO BE DEAD! I HATE MY LIFE! I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING GOING FOR ME! I'M SORRY I'M NOT YOUR PRECIOUS LITTLE SEAN! I'M SORRY I'LL NEVER BE AS GOOD AS THAT ASS HOLE! WHY DO YOU PRETEND YOU LOVE ME WHEN YOU CLEARLY DON'T! DO YOU NOT WANT THE FUCKING BLOOD ON YOUR HANDS! I DON'T KNOW WHAT I CAN DO TO MAKE YOU LOVE ME! WHAT DID I DO WRONG? I can't change and be a better son if I don't know why you hate me so much! I'm scared of you, I don't want to go home tonight cause I know your going to yell at me! I need to know why you hate me. I want to be better, I don't want to be bad anymore, I remember being called a bad boy when I was little, I want to be good but I don't know how to be! I'm sorry for being bad, but was I bad enough for how you treated me? I'm done".

"Your not done Harry, there is still a lot left unsaid, I taped that whole rant and I want to call your family and I want them to hear this".

I was embarrassed that I said all of this, what if they get mad? the therapist called my parents and asked them to come down here.

When they got here they still looked super pissed. I visibly shrank back. They sat down next to me and I unconsciously moved away from them. This caused my mom to sigh and roll her eyes.

BITCH!

"Mr and Mrs. Potter I want you to hear what your son said".

"Look therapist guy, it was a spur pf the moment type of thing, I didn't mean it" I said.

"Yes you did, you say the truth when your angry".

He played the tape and I felt so embarrassed. I buried my head in my hands and groaned.

When it was done my mom started to talk.

"How the hell can you say this stuff, we are trying so hard to be a family and your pushing us away!"

'Maybe I don't want a family! And you have pushed me away so many times I don't think it can be reversed!"

"HARRY NOT HAVING A FAMILY DROVE YOU TO SUICIDE!"

"WHO'S FAULT IS THAT! I WANTED A FAMILY BUT YO DIDN'T GIVE ME ONE! AND THATS NOT WHY I SLIT MY WRISTS! YOU DROVE ME TO FAR! WHEN YOU SAW ME THAT DAY YOU SAID "OH IT LIVES" AND THEN YOU SAID "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN SO LONG" I APOLOGIZED AND YOU SAID "YOU SHOULD BE YOU WASTE OF SPACE!" IF YOU HAVEN'T FIGURED IT OUT YOUR THE REASON ALL OF THIS HAPPENED TO ME! ITS ALL YOUR FAULT, I HOPE YOUR HAPPY KNOWING YOU DROVE YOUR OWN SON TO DEATH!"

"I don't know what to say anymore, I don't know what to do anymore! If you want to be left alone OK! We will leave right now! You can walk home and live like you were living, better yet, get the hell out of my house! See what I care!"

"We try and be nice and all your doing is getting angry at us" first time my dad spoke.

OK if they wanted me out I'll leave tonight.

"Mr. and Mrs. Potter, you have to understand that Harry is in an emotional state right now, he needs to talk about this and you need to keep showing him that you love him".

"We are trying but he's pushing us away!"

"OK I get I'm an awful person, I'm so sorry I ruined your life!"

I got up and walked out of the building. I ran home and barged through the door. Good, my parents aren't home.

"Harry sit your parents need to talk to you! SIT!' Remus said.

I went up the stairs ignoring him and ran into my room. I got out a backpack out of my closet and through all of my clothes into it. I stuffed my old laptop into it also. I got out a bigger one and put all the things I bought myself into it. I packed my guitar also but left the rest of my intruments. Halfway through packing my mom ran in.

"I'm sorry, please don't leave, i was angry!"

"You say the truth when your angry".

"I swear I didn't mean it, please stay, I swear I love you, I'm sorry for getting mad, please unpack".

"No, I can't be here".

"Harry please".She was crying now. "I love you, your father love you, Sirius and Remus love you".

"I'm sorry, I just can't stay after all the shit that happened today".

"Harry come have dinner, stay the night, if you still want to leave then I'll drive you to a hotel, I'll even pay for it! You will always be welcome back".

I nodded and went downstairs, I didn't talk at all at dinner.

"Harry" Remus said, "I'm sorry for yelling and shoving you".

"I get why you did it, I fucked up today".

"Are we friends then".

"No".

After dinner I went back to my room. I sat on the bed and waited for my parents to go to sleep. I finished packing and decided to clean up the room. I put all my instruments in the basement. I then used my wand to dis-assemble the bed. I folded up the sheets and put them in a corner. I levitated all the furniture to the basement and packed up the rest of my stuff. I didn't pack the stuff my parents gave me though, I left it on top of the sheets. I went to Seans room and levitated all the stuff that was moved out of here and moved it back. I made everything exactly the way it was. I took the sheets and stuff my parents gave me and went downstairs. I put them on the table and took out 2 pieces of paper. The first one said

_I didn't take the things you bought me, thanks but I'm not going to leave and take this with me._

I put it on the pile and went back upstairs. I wrote on the second piece of paper

_I left if you haven't noticed, sorry but I couldn't wait, the room is Sean's again, everything is in the basement, I'm not going to tell you where I went, or where I'm going, sorry, I might come back but I might not, have fun without me._

I taped it on the door and went downstairs after grabing my bags and walked out the door. It was around 11 so I checked into a motel when I got into town. It was like 6 blocks from my moms work but whatever. She won't notice if I don't go near there. Its a good thing I'm a saver. I have money! WOO!

I unpacked cause I might be there for a while and went to sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

Lpov

I woke this morning and got up. I opened Harry's door only to see it exactly like Sean's again. I saw the note on the door and read it. He just left us, I drove my own son away. I began to cry. I was sobbing within a minute.

This is all Dumbledores fault! He blinded us. I HATE HIM!

"Lily whats wrong?' James questioned.

I handed him the note shakily.

"H-hes g-g-gone!" I sobbed.

"Why!"

"l-last n-night we to-told him t-t-to leave!"

"Oh god!"

James began to cry to. He leaned against a wall and pinched the bridge of his nose trying to hide his sobs.

"Its D-Dumbledores fault James!"

"We can't put it all on him".

"He blinded us!"

"But it was also a lot our fault!"

I fell to my knees cause I was shaking so hard. James got on the floor with me and held me.

"He was my baby! I love him, why did we hurt our baby!"

"Sh SH, he'll come back, I know he will! He's probably still in town!"

"How do we contact him? How do we find him?"

"He doesn't want us to".

"That is my child out there! He could get cold, he could get hurt! What if he scrapes his knee and I'm not there?"

"Lily he's 15 not 5, he can clean his knees".

"James are you just going to let him leave us? He's our son! WE SHOULD BE TRYING TO FIND HIM!"

"Lily give him time!"

I was sobbing really hard now. James helped me stand up and took me downstairs.

"We need to see Dumbledore James!"

James sighed and nodded. We flooed to his office and he was sitting at his desk.

"James Lily, how are you?"

"SHUT UP! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU MADE US DO THIS TO HIM!"

"Lily what are you talking about?" Dumbledore questioned.

"Harry left last night, we told him to, we were so angry, we didn't mean it but we said some things we really shouldn't have and Harry left".

"You made us do this to him!"

"Lily if you would remember all I told you to do was give Sean a lot of attention!"

Dumbledore's eyes were getting darker.

"I want him home!"

"Lily I can try and find him" Dumbledore said.

"NO! I DON'T WANT YOU NEAR HIM!"

"I'm sorry Albus, she is very upset we will leave now".

James picked me up and I sobbed into his chest and I could tell he wanted to cry again. He flooed us home and he put me on the couch. Sirius came around not long after that.

"Hello family, whats wrong?"

"Harry left last night, all of his stuff is gone, Lily is not taking it well".

"Oh god do you want to find him".

"I think he'll be back soon, but I might want to be in town more often".

"Yeah me and Remus will check into a motel in town, maybe the one a few blocks from Lily's work".

"Yeah thats a good idea, Lily were going to town, you stay here and sleep!"

When they left I went to the closet and got into the baby stuff. I held everything of Harry's to me while sobbing.

Hpov

I woke up this morning feeling refreshed. Leaving made me feel better. I was free.

I got up and went out to get breakfast. I went to the store and bought croissants and juice. I got a habit. I got up and bought breakfast, then I would walk around town for a while, say hi to S-D or maybe hang at a park, I skipped lunch and took a shower and went to the gym, I would call some people like Leilei and Kasey and give them an update. I hung out with Kasey a lot lately cause Kasey is really stupid, like the character on the show were starting in March. I have been reading the script. Well anyways at night I've been on the computer and I would watch TV or read, maybe even play guitar. I did still go to therapy also. I went to bed usually around 10. This has been going on for about 2 and a half weeks now.

I think I may have gotten a cold about a week ago. I feel really tired and cold right now, I am going to be pissed if I get sick again. I was just sick!

Right now it was about 9 and I was walking to the grocery store to get more food. I walked in and grabbed some apples, some bread, rice, carrots, juice, and of course Mountain Dew. I got in line to pay for it and a guy walked behind me. Guess who it was. Yep it was my dad.

He looked so sick and sad and tired. I tried not to let him see my face. I was turning and trying to cover my face without looking like a freak. It was my turn to pay so I handed the guy my credit card. He took it swiped it and handed it back to me.

"Harry?"

Shit my dad noticed me. I grabbed my stuff and walked out of the store. My dad began to run after me so I had to run to get away from him. He eventually gave up. I ran to my Motel and locked the door. That was fucking close. I'm not ready to face them. I am so confused.

I went back out keeping my head down. I walked to the forest cause I love it there. I sat down and stared into space.

Lpov

I was clutching Harry's baby blanket and I had it wrapped around me. I haven't stopped crying since Harry left.

"Lily!" James yelled.

"What".

"I saw Harry today!"

I sat up immediately.

"When!"

"Just now at the store!"

"Is he home? Is my baby here?"

"No he ran away, I'm sorry, but he is still in town, I'll have Remus and Sirius go out today, maybe Sirius can go as a dog".

"Harry won't know its him".

"Yes, I'll have them leave now".

Hpov

I walked into a coffee shop around 9 at night. It was a 24 hour coffee shop. I bought a hot chocolate and read a book. I must have fallen asleep cause It was bright in there when I looked up. I stood up and through the cup away and grabbed my book. I went to go pee. I walked out and as soon as I stepped out I was pulled into a tight hug. I tried to get out of it but I couldn't.

"Oh my baby you can never leave again! Your coming home!"

"Harry!"

I was now being hugged by more people. All of them were talking at once and I couldn't understand any of them. I began to panic and figure out how to get out of there.

"STOP!"

They all let me go and backed away. It was as you may have guessed my parents and Sirius and Remus.

"I can't! I think I need more time away!"

"Harry I haven't stopped crying since you left, I have been clutching your baby things! Do you know how excited I got when I heard that Remus saw you sleeping? You cannot let me see you again after almost 3 weeks of not seeing you only for you to walk away again! It will kill me!"

"Harry we fucked up big time multiple times, but we want you home!"

I don't think I can go back yet.

"I have to go to my motel".

"Let us drive you!"

"I can walk".

"Harry please?" my mom pleaded.

"I don't want you to know where I'm staying".

"Harry were going to find out anyway".

I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Their going to force me home and I'm not ready to go home!

I began to panic. My breathe got faster and I began to shake. I cannot go home right now.

"I have to go!" I was beginning to wheeze and I ran past them. My dad grabbed my arm so I couldn't go any further.

"Harry what is wrong with you?

I shook off his arm and ran out of the coffee shop. I didn't look back. I think they may have been following me but I didn't look to make sure.

When I got to my motel I felt awful. I was hot, I was coughing, I was tired, I felt as if I was going to pass out. I tried to make it to my door and barely did. When I opened it I fell to the ground and barely closed it before passing out. I woke up hours later sweating. I climbed into my bed and fell asleep again.

I got up the next morning feeling awful and took my temperature. 102.7

I was just sick!

WHAT THE HELL!

I decided just to get some water and go back to sleep. That failed by the knock on the door. I didn't want to open it cause I was sweaty as hell but they kept knocking.

I opened the door to the people I least wanted to see. How was I not expecting this! Everyone jumped on me. I was being hugged by 4 people. They pulled off of me cause I was sweaty and nasty/

"Harry are you OK! Oh you need to lay down right now!" my mom immediately said.

"I was going to but I had to open the door".

My mom turned me around and pushed me to the bed. I fell on it and was out cold. I woke up hours later again to voices. I WANT PEACE! I'm sick I just want sleep!

I felt something cold on my forehead and I tried to shove it off but it was just put back on.

"Grrrrrrrrrr! That is cold!"

"Harry it will bring down the fever! Go back to sleep" my mom said.

"Why are you in my motel?"

"Cause your sick" Remus said.

"I can take care of myself".

"Harry just sleep and let me take care of you, and when your better I want you home".

"I can't go back, I just can't!"

"I can't let you stay in this motel" my dad said.

"Why?"

"Its low class, you can get so much better than this".

"I don't want better, I'm happy here, its like home".

"Our house should be home Harry, not a motel 6, please come home".

"I-I don't know'.

"I love you Harry, I want you to feel like you have a family with us".

"I don't know if I can".

"Well you go back to sleep, I'm going to try and convince you again when you woke though".

I smiled and got into a comfy position and fell asleep.

Lpov

My baby is sick again. He is the cutest sleeper though! I have been going through all of his baby pictures. I finally found them all last night.

"Oh James his first bath!"

James smiled and looked at the picture. I then flipped to one of Harry curled up and sleeping on Sirius in his dog form. Then one of harry snuggled into my arms. I miss my baby so much. He was the cutest thing. He had a soft brown hair with my green eyes. Now his hair was chin length and a dark brown. He still had my eyes too. His hair used to be like James' but its so tame and manageable now.

I flipped to a picture of him on his first birthday. Why would we ever do this to him!

'James look at his chubby little cheeks! There is nothing like them!"

"He was adorable".

"James, I want another baby".

"Lily we can't when we can't deal with the kids we have!"

I dropped the subject for now. When Harry woke up I rubbed his hair soothingly.

"Hi" he said groggily.

"Hey honey".

"What time is it?"

"Its 3 a.m, everyone else is gone, I need to ask you something".

Hpov

"What?"

"How would you feel if we had another baby?"

"We don't have room, I could move out permanently but you would have to stop telling me to come back".

"Harry we would build more room, maybe make the basement more livable".

"Why not just give me the basement like it is?"

"Cause I don't like you being there in the cold and wet".

"It never bugged you before, anyways, I liked it".

"What about in winter? Wasn't it really cold?"

"Ya but I was used to it".

"Didn't you ever get sick?"

"I get sick all the time, I'm lucky if I'm not sick twice a month, I have a really weak immune system".

"Then you cannot be in the basement, you will just get ill, like you are now, you over did it and now you stuck in bed".

"I never minded it".

"I mind it".

"Well its warm in here".

"Not as warm as our house".

"Its comfy here".

"Harry our house is so much better then this place, please come home".

"What happens if I do".

"Your going to get better, and your not going to leave again, your just going to stay with us till your 19".

"19! Why not 18? or even 17".

"Do you know how little time that gives us? Your going to move out and we might not see you again".

"I might come and visit".

"But you won't will you".

"No probably not".

"See I need as much time with you as I can get".

"OK i'll come back, tomorrow" I said.

She smiled and nodded. I just noticed how dry and raspy my voice was.

"Get some sleep, I love you".

I rolled over and was out.

The next morning my dad was sitting next to me.

"Hiya" I said in a dry whisper.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like shit, but I'll deal".

He nodded and stood up.

"You go check out for yourself and I'll grab your things' my dad said.

I nodded and attempted to get up. I failed. I tried again. Fail. Again. Not fail. Oh Yeah! Duff Man! I walked out of the room with my dad following with my stuff. I took the guitar and a suit case from him and checked out. He led me to the car and started driving.

"So has the past few weeks been fun?' He asks.

"Ya, I've been hanging around with people and stuff. I did a lot of shopping for food".

"I knew I saw you at the market".

"Ya, we right next to each other for a few minutes till you realized it was me".

"Ya, you did look weird though you like trying to hide your face".

"How did you know it was me?"

"Your name was on the credit card".

"How did you know where my apartment was?"

"We followed you, we waited till morning though to knock".

"How did you find me in the coffee shop?"

"I had Remus and Sirius look for you, Remus saw you sleeping and he called us and we waited till you woke up to talk to you".

"When did mom start working at the Ihop?"

"Years ago".

"I have been there for coffee with friends so many time but I never saw her".

"I don't know, maybe she saw you though, I want to know, how many times have you gone to a motel?"

"Every winter, Every spring, every summer, every fall, I don't know, I spend half my year in that motel".

"Why?"

"The basement gets to cold, to wet, to windy, to humid, to hot, it very uncomfortable'.

'Then why do you want it back?"

"I like knowing theres a place just for me and I can do whatever to it, no one ever came down stairs to the basement, it was private and mine, its scary losing your childhood home".

"You can still go down there".

"It won't be the same, I don't know I'm scared losing everything I've ever known, everythings changing so fast its like woah man!"

He smiled and pulled up to the house. As soon as I got out my mom was hugging me.

"OH MY BABIES HOME!"

I hugged her back.

"Your staying for good this time".

"I'll try to".

"Harry James Potter you will stay here forever! Till you 80!"

I laughed and hugged her again.

**Over 2 years later.**

Life has been really good. I have made complete peace with my family. Me and Sean still do not get along, he still acts like he's king of the world. I started my lessons with Dumbledore again, but these ones required me to be at Hogwarts. Since I wasn't a full student I flooed home after my lessons. Dumbledore made me help him look for Voldemorts horcruxes since he came back before my 16th birthday. But life has been amazing. My show is still running. We do that from 4-9. I am officialy dating Leilei. (I have the script link to the show, I added it to this story cause I wanted to make a tv show) Right now I am walking down stairs to the kitchen.

(I wanna finish this fast but make it good)

"Hey mom, hows it going?"

"Its going good".

"Good".

Awkward silence.

All of a sudden Dumbledore comes running into our kitchen.

"Yo" I said.

"We have to leave now! Voldemort is attacking Hogwarts! Sean is trying to be the hero!"

"Sean is supposed to kill him though isn't he?"

"We have to leave, he can be killed".

My mom began to panic and called my dad. We all went to Hogwarts and Sean was dueling Voldemort.

"SEAN!" I yelled.

Voldemort looked at me and smiled

"Well I have both Potters, but which is a threat to me, guess I'll kill you both. AVADA KEDAVRA!"

A jet of green came out of his wand which was pointing at Sean. I quickly jumped in front of it and took it for him.

Everything became black. I could hear his dark chuckle. Then all of a sudden, in seconds I relived my entire life. I thought every thought I have thought before. I had to kill him.

My eyes opened to him pointing his wand at Sean again. My parents were screaming. I jumped up and punched Voldemort in the balls. I know, uncalled for.

"AVADA KEDAVRA" I screamed at Voldemort while pointing my wand at him. In seconds he stopped moving. He stopped breathing. He was dead.

Everyone stopped moving, they thought Sean was going to do it.

"Harry that was supposed to be me!"

"No it was always me".

"I HATE YOU! YOU STOLE MY FAME!"

"Sean, it was always Harry that was the boy who lived, the scar on his forehead was from Voldemort" Dumbledore said.

"What! Albus you said it was Sean!" my mom exclaimed.

"I lied, I told you it was Sean because Harry needed to be independent and strong".

"Oh god" my dad said.

"My whole life has been a lie!" Sean said.

"I'm really sorry, I didn't want you to get killed" I said.

My mom hugged me and smiled.

"Its all over, we can all be normal" she said.

**3rd person pov**

Harry and Sean lived with their parents another year. Harry moved out at age 18 and lived in a hotel. He finished his show at age 23 and then started a music and entertainment buisness. He had his own tv channel and he made new musicians. He married Leilei at age 20 and they had 6 kids. Harry always kept in touch with his family. He died at age 89. All his kids were musicians and actors. His buisness went to his middle daughter whole turned it from a billion dollar company to a trillion dollar company. Sean married at age 18 and became a teacher. He had 2 kids and died at age 86. Lily and James had 2 more daughters and died at ages 87. **  
**


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